Tuesday, January 20, 2009

George Bush's Legacy

Solemn and sad day! King George is saying farewell to his subjects. Let us pray that the new president does not betray us with higher taxes and, God forbid, social programs for the poor and undeserving. Do you know what a higher tax bracket will mean for the Waltons of Walmart, Bill Gates, Rupert Murdock, Warren Buffet, and those others that are really needy? Needy of government non-interference, that is.

Now that our true American hero is about to leave the throne, it is time we talk about legacy. Yes, he has taken some hits for policies, but legacy is another matter. Legacy is about the long-lasting effects King George's actions will have. Here are some:

*His Majesty promised to cut taxes. He did so. With the savings we can buy a little food, maybe enough gas to drive home, and put the rest on credit cards.

*He got government out of business. Now we can buy cheap goods from overseas and export jobs. That's what I call a balance of trade.

*He was "The Education President." He taught us the meaning of words like freedom and democracy. Who needs Pell Grants for college when you have that vocabulary?

*Under his reign, foreign relations are better. You're either with us or against us -easy choice. You don't need the U.N. when you've got a simple choice like that.

*The environment: His Majesty promised to clean up the Everglades with the help of the Crown Prince, Jeb. They have restored the Everglades, but it was in New Orleans.

*Communications have improved. You can now have a conference call between you, your friend, and the government without asking or paying for it.

*Treatment of prisoners has improved. Now they get non-stop Heavy Metal music and hydrotherapy (on boards) treatment whether they like it or not. Just ask them at Gitmo and Abu Ghraib.

*Respect for the U.S. is now very high. Other countries just keep buying it up.

*He's increased commerce. Foreign tourists come over to raid our department stores. The dollar is such a bargain!

*He has decreased government spending...except on the military. You've got to have one guilty pleasure.

*He has increased aid to those in need: oil companies, timber companies, mining companies, you-name-it big companies.

*We have brought peace to Iraq. We could be there another twenty years to enjoy the peace.

*His Campaign Manager, Karl Rove, brought such integrity to the electoral process. Bugging your own offices and then having the FBI investigate your opponent is not really a crime, is it? I mean, wasn't it the Communists who burned The Reichstag?

*Individuals have prospered under the King. Just ask Cheney and anyone holding Haliburton stock, or the Boys of Enron.

*He has promoted family values. Domestic life is better, except that families don't actually have houses to practice that domestic life in.

*He has increased tourism. If you seem to be an enemy of the U.S., his men will send you to other countries known for their "physical therapy", like Syria.

*He's a man of the people. Now he can join some of the people on the unemployment line.

*We entered the New Millenium with a sense of new understanding between nations and peoples of the world. Barriers between cultures are coming down. French fries are now freedom fries.

Therefore, go proudly, our deposed King, into your new life in Dallas. We know you and the Queen will find some way to spread your grace on the world. And, if it doesn't work out in Dallas, I'm sure you can find some abandoned shack in the lower ninth ward to set up house in.


He's a man of the people.Now that King George is out of a job he can join the people on the unemployment line. Digg Technorati Delicious StumbleUpon Reddit BlinkList Furl Mixx Facebook Google Bookmark Yahoo

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